


It Was Almost Sexy

by Primarina (sherlockstummy)



Series: The Kitten and the Bug [15]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Asexual Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff, Mild Smut, Silly, just these two being dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:50:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockstummy/pseuds/Primarina
Summary: Three times Vie and Danny failed to be sexy. That is a hazard when your sexualities clash.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Attention, my ace friends! There's some light sexy stuff below. No sex happens, but genitals are mentioned. Just as a warning for my sex-repulsed friends especially. ;)

Danny took charge as soon as they got to the bedroom, growling before pouncing forward, lithe and sleek, connecting their lips swiftly, pulling Vie flush up against him. Vie moaned, and, missing his attention as he shifted them, she chased his mouth hungrily, wanting more.

Dan pulled away to breathe, gazing down into Vie’s eyes that stared back at him, the dim light from his lamp reflected in them like a thousand stars. “Fuck, I missed you,” he breathed, pressing their foreheads together.

Vie smiled with a slight coy edge and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. For all she wasn’t a sexual creature herself, she knew very well how to drive him crazy, and Dan can feel the rumble of a satisfied and horny purr in his chest before it bubbles out of him, raw and honest. As much as he loves Portland and his band and Brian and, fuck, everything about living his crazy dream that had seemed out of reach for so long, this is what being away from Vie does to him, and he can feel his heart singing in his chest, his nerves on fire, from being reunited with her again.

“Shut up and kiss me,” Vie bites her lower lip, looking up at him through her long lashes. He loves being ordered around, and she knows it. Her smirk is telling him so.

“Fuck, baby girl,” Danny says, because, really, what else is there to say at this point? He dives forward towards her mouth again, moving desperately against her until they set a good pace. This probably isn’t even sexy to watch. It’s gross and pent-up and nobody’s watching, so Danny doesn’t care. 

He noses her back onto his bed (because there’s nowhere else to go in his room, and, let’s be honest, they were going to end up there, anyway), and follows after her, their weight making the springs creak. Vie has her arms up above her head, jeans already discarded just as he’s similarly unclothed, and her tee shirt is riding up, exposing a pale strip of her stomach, and even just that is driving him wild.

Dan dives forward to press kisses along the line of her skin, making Vie giggle under him. He smiles fondly, distracted from his work as he looks up at her. She props her head up to look at him, and her smile is probably the best thing he’s seen since he got home.

Dan bends to go back to kissing her, but something weird happens in his arm. He thinks maybe a muscle gave out, or his wrist turned weird, but he doesn’t have time to catch himself before he falls on top of Vie.

Vie grunts as their bodies unexpectedly collide, Dan’s chest hitting her stomach. The both of them aren’t worried; Dan is much lighter than Vie, and the fall didn’t hurt her; she’s just understandably startled. There’s a moment of shocked silence, and then Danny starts giggling, burrowing his face into her warm chest. Vie follows suit, her hand threading into his hair as a comfort.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” She asks, and that makes Danny’s laughing turn slightly hysterical.

“Me, okay? I fell on you! Are you okay?”

Vie’s laughs match his in tone. “I’m fine! You weigh, like, fifty pounds!”

“A hundred and fifty, thank you.”

“What even happened?”

“I don’t fuckin know,” Dan lifts up one arm, waving it around like a noodle before letting it fall to the bed. He starts giggling hysterically again, the mirth from their misadventure still hanging on. 

Vie starts laughing again, too. “Oh, my God. You’re such a dork!”

Since teasing is out of the question now that the mood has shifted, Danny settles for cuddling, wrapping his long arms around her waist and nuzzling into her breasts. “Mmm…but I’m your dork, right?”

Vie giggles, pulling him up slightly so she can hug him properly. “Yes, you are. And don’t you forget it.”

 

~

 

Danny keens, his voice rising into an octave he didn’t even know was a part of his range as Vie trails her fingers down the sides of his ribcage while she makes a meal out of the skin around his hips and tummy, trailing down to his thighs, and pointedly ignoring his dick, which is straining hard against the cloth of his boxers.

“Do that again,” Danny groans, his voice wrecked, his heart hammering against his chest. He’s hot everywhere, from his groin all the way up to his head, and it’s driving him crazy not to touch himself, not to follow the trails she’s leaving on his skin that he can feel as if she had been tattooing him the whole time.

Dan can feel Vie’s breath on his cock, even through the fabric of his underwear, when she rises up, her hair draping down over her shoulders, bangs falling into her eyes, the ends tickling him, as she breaths out a heated:

“Yes, Daddy.”

Dan barks out a surprised laugh and props himself up on his elbows. “No,” he says firmly, still grinning as Vie, blushing, hesitantly smiles back. “No, no, no, no, no. God, Vie.” He tilts his head back, supporting himself with one arm and using the other to push back his hair from his face. “Way to fucking kill my boner.”

Vie giggles, sitting up and pushing her own hair away from her face. She’s sweating, leaving imperfect lines in her makeup, and Danny takes note of the purple shade of her lipstick, wondering how much of that is spread across his tummy and thighs right now. “Sorry.”

“Hold up. Do you enjoy that?” Dan raises an eyebrow, knowing Vie is about as vanilla as can be.

It’s Vie’s turn to bark out a disbelieving laugh. “Fuck no!”

“Then why…?”

“I dunno! It doesn’t hurt to try new things!”

Dan snorts. “You’re supposed to talk about it pre-tease, babe.” He sighs, his body cooling as he comes down from his aroused high. “Oof.” He rubs his stomach, absently dragging his hand across the surface in contemplation.

“So…that’s a hard no on the Daddy kink, then?”

“That’s a fucking ‘get me on the next train out’ no on the Daddy kink, Bugs.” Danny flops back onto the bed, as he can feel his arm starting to fall asleep. “God, I’m fuckin starving.” He stretches languidly, his knuckles brushing the top of the headboard.

Vie shifts, getting off him and tugging on the nearest tee shirt. “Did you even eat dinner?”

“Ummmm…can I phone a friend?” Danny sits up, stretching a little. His stomach gurgles noisily, and Vie glares playfully at him.

“Here’s an idea: tell me if you’re about to keel over and die before we get all sexy.”

“Only if you promise to never call me ‘Daddy’ again.”

Vie rolls her eyes. “Deal.”

 

~

 

“Can you fuck someone on a full stomach?” Vie asks nonchalantly, as if she’d actually asked: “is it going to rain tonight?”

“What.” Dan shifts carefully, supporting himself gingerly on one arm. The word is completely incredulous and not even a question. Vie’s not usually this blunt. Usually, it’s Arin asking the weird questions.

It’s Thanksgiving, and they’re spending it with Vie’s family. Danny ate entirely way too much food, enough that he feels just slightly nauseous. He’s not really in pain, but he’s not comfortable either. Once he digests a bit, he’ll feel better, more of the warm sort of dozy feeling that is usually associated with this day, but for now, here he is, stretched out on the couch in his girlfriend’s parents’ home with an upset stomach while Vie sits with her back braced against the furniture, watching the dog show intently. Football isn’t a tradition in this house, which suits Dan just fine, seeing as he’s a bit too sick to enjoy it right now. 

To be fair, Vie had warned him about her mom’s crazy good pies. He thinks that the moderate discomfort he feels is worth it; no other pies will taste good to him now. (He also feels incredibly lucky that Jacques and his family have left already for his wife’s side of the family. He loves Sterling nearly as much as his own nephews, but he doesn’t think he’d feel up to entertaining an energetic toddler.)

Vie shrugs. “I’m just curious. Can you fuck someone, like, right after Thanksgiving dinner, or is it uncomfortable?”

Danny flops back against the pillows under his head with a groan that has more to do with the nature of the question than the battle going on in his stomach. “Can I, personally? Because I think you have your answer. Oof.”

Vie turns slightly, watching him. He can see her eyes turn clinical; by now, she’s seen him at his worst, and she can tell when he’s really in pain and when it’s more of a discomfort. Satisfied that her boyfriend isn’t about to implode, she plows on. “I guess I mean generally.”

Danny considers the question for a moment, rolling it around in his mind. “Well,” he says finally, words coming slowly as he formulates the best response, “sex is like any other kind of physical exercise at its roots. And it’s not usually good to exercise on a full stomach. So…I’d say no? But, probably after a bit of digesting happens, there could be jumping in the metaphorical sack.”

“Humping in the metaphorical sack?” Vie supplies, deadpan, making Danny snort.

“Sure. Are your parents listening?”

“The kitchen is so far away. I doubt they care, anyway.” Vie turns completely to the side, giving him her full attention, and Dan turns his head towards her. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay? I’ve got your pills in my bag. I can get em if…”

“I’ll be fine,” Dan beams sunnily, touched by her concern, but honestly not wanting her to get anxious on his behalf. He knows what a bad turn, if you will, feels like. He’d be writhing in pain already if it was going to be like that. “I just ate too much. But it was totally worth it.” He wets his lips at the memory of the sweet, warm, caramelly apple pie, complimented by sweet vanilla ice cream… In future, the fantasy will make him crave this moment, make him hungry for apple pie again. Right now, it just makes his stomach twinge.

Vie smiles, reassured, and leans forward to kiss him. “Mm. I did warn you.” She wets her lips contemplatively. “You still taste like pie.”

“You taste like cider,” Dan replies, to which Vie holds up her glass of hard cider. She only drinks socially, or on occasion, and this is a special treat for her.

“Aww, the fucking Pekinese took it,” Vie grumbles, frowning at the television.

Dan chuckles, gently so as not to jostle himself too much. “Who did you want to win?”

“The poodle. I mean, look at that perfection!” Vie points to the TV.

“I like poodles,” Danny contemplates.

“The show cuts remind me of your floof.” Vie reached back and ran a hand through Danny’s hair. “I think dog hair is softer than yours, though.”

Dan makes a disbelieving noise in the back of his throat. “Fuck off.”

There’s a moment of silence. Vie’s focused on her phone during the commercials, and Dan is staring up into the ceiling, watching a fan rotate lazily around, cutting up the expanse of white. He’s starting to feel better now as the initial waves pass, and he feels a little less like he might vomit if he moves the wrong way or keeps his mouth open too long.

“You’ll have to apologize to your parents again. I still feel awful about all this.”

Vie turned fully towards him. “Don’t. I explained, and they understood. It just happens. Hell, I’m sure my dad is gonna pig out as soon as we leave, and then he’ll take the couch.”

“Still. It’s not a good impression.” Dan frowns.

Vie leans forward to kiss it away. “Stop fussing. My parents love you. And nobody else is here to see.”

Danny kisses back, and stretches gingerly when she pulls away. “Why is that?” He’s used to larger family gatherings, though he was pleasantly surprised by the Sloan family’s small gathering.

“My grandma is crazy Catholic. She’s mad as shit at my dad for marrying an agnostic, and mad at his sister for marrying a protestant. Not to mention she’s not too pleased that my brother and I weren’t raised Catholic, and I’m dating a Jew.”

“Wow.”

“My dad’s side of the family is a little messed up. He wasn’t all too thrilled when he found out you were Jewish, either, but he’s warmed up to you now.”

“That’s good, at least.” Dan shifts to get more comfortable, and Vie reaches down to undo his belt buckle with a sigh. “Does your dad speak French like you and your mom and Jacques?”

Vie nods. “Mmhm. He helped mom learn English when she first came here. That’s kinda how they met, actually. All rom-com style. Lucky for my mom, he loves French names, which explains Jack and I.”

“Right.” Dan gives Vie a pointed look.

“Literally no one is judging you. Also, it’s Thanksgiving. If there was ever a holiday meant for undoing belts…”

“Point taken.” He had to admit that he actually felt much better now that there was less pressure on his stomach, even if the difference was slight. He was starting to feel sleepy, even. 

Dan fought off a yawn just as Antoinette poked her head around the door. “Are you two okay in here?”

“We’re fine, mom,” Vie replied, just as Danny said pretty much the same except, of course, saying “Mrs. Sloan” at the end.

“How are you feeling, Dan?” Antoinette asked in the same concerned tone that her daughter often adopted. The family resemblance was clear.

Danny lifted himself up on his elbows so that Antoinette could see him properly. “Much better. Thanks for letting me stretch out. I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble, mon cherie. I’m glad to hear it.” Antoinette smiled before leaving the lovebirds alone again.

As soon as Antoinette left, Dan returned to the pillows, sighing tiredly. He felt exhausted, honestly, though he couldn’t really say exactly why.

Vie leaned forward to kiss him again, and he jumped at the opportunity eagerly. When they parted, Vie was smiling. “Get some rest.”

“But…”

“Go to sleep.” Vie commanded gently, trailing her fingers through his mass of curls.

Dan didn’t really need more encouragement after that.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a story that takes place before this one that I need to publish (have you noticed I'm working on a loose chronological order?), but I needed to put this one up because I love these dorks, and nobody can stop me! Muahaha!!!


End file.
